Why Him? Why Her? How to Find and Keep Everlasting Love Book Summary

Most of us want to find a romantic partner who can make us feel fulfilled, happy, and understood.

But how do we go about finding this person and ensuring our relationship lasts?

In her book “Why Him? Why Her?”, renowned anthropologist Helen Fisher provides an answer.

Drawing on decades of research, she outlines the four personality types that guide human relationships and offers insight into why certain people are drawn to one another.

Read on for a summary of her findings.

The Four Personality Types

At the heart of Fisher’s book is the concept of the four personality types.

According to her theory, everyone belongs to one of four groups based on their level of two hormones in their brain: dopamine, which is linked with feelings of excitement and optimism; and serotonin, associated with feelings of calmness and contentment.

The four combinations are explorer (high dopamine/low serotonin), builder (low dopamine/high serotonin), negotiator (moderate levels of both hormones), and director (high levels of both hormones).

Everyone tends toward one or two dominant types, but they may also exhibit traits from other categories.

Exploring Compatibility

Fisher argues that lasting love comes down to compatibility between two people’s personalities.

Each type has different values and needs when it comes to relationships.

For example, builders tend to prioritize stability while explorers seek adventure.

So understanding your type can help you identify someone who shares your values and will meet your needs.

Fisher also notes that each type has its communication style; those who understand these differences can use them to create harmony in the relationship.

Making It Last

Fisher emphasizes the importance of understanding yourself before entering a relationship for it to last long-term.

By recognizing your own needs as well as those of your partner, you will be better equipped to handle conflicts when they arise.

After all, knowing how best to communicate with each other is vital in any relationship!

Additionally, she encourages couples to recognize the power dynamics at play in any given moment; being conscious about who holds more power can foster greater respect between partners while helping them stay connected even during tough times.


Helen Fisher’s book “Why Him? Why Her?” offers an insightful approach to finding love by understanding ourselves first—along with our partners—and leveraging our knowledge into a lasting connection with that special someone.

By recognizing our own personality type as well as our partner’s preferences – such as communication styles – we have a better chance at creating harmony within our relationships.

With this approach in mind, we can make sure that we find everlasting love and lasting happiness together.

Discover Your Personality Type Today →